Friday, September 5, 2008

I miss my baby :(

Pic caption: A scant 3 days old.
I know he's still a mere 7 months old. Not speaking, not really eating solids, not quite crawling, not exhibiting anything even a toddler does but I still have this sinking feeling that every day I'm losing the baby and gaining the kid.
He's progressing so very quickly I can hardly capture all his milestones (pun intended) on film or paper. Only this past week he's learned to sit up on his own. Every now and then I'll glance over at his play area and he's focusing intently on conquering standing at the activity table, putting those chubby leg muscles to work. When I was pregnant everyone told us "the time will fly so quickly" but I had no IDEA! Here it is, autumn already. Soon winter will be setting in and we'll be making plans for his first birthday. It's exciting but deeply wistful. I almost feel I'm not getting to enjoy my baby before he quickly moves on to the next stage in his life. This week I was looking at pics from when he was a newborn and I long for that tiny sack of potatoes in my arms, with his tiny cry and ever-clenched fists. 
Before I had Miles I was the anti-mom. I hated people with kids because of the way they acted. What made THEM think I wanted to see their kids' pics? Why couldn't they keep their brats quiet in public? And couldn't they refrain from boring topics like Susie's chicken pox or Eddie's first "big boy" tooth?!  Now I relish in such conversations - even with strangers! It's true that once you pop one out you gain instant admission into "the Parent Club". People in Walgreens will strike up conversations about anything and everything child-related when they see diaper wipes in your basket and I gladly have 10 minute conversations with them, asking for advice and guidance. Miles has changed my life in so many ways.
Now my heart-strings are being tugged because I see that he's doing just as he should - growing up and learning to become independent. Can I just say I don't like it? I wished for this progress for months: "as soon as he can hold his head up", "as soon as he can lay on his tummy", "as soon as he can roll over", "as soon as he can sit up without assistance" and now I hypocritically want to stop time to maybe go back a bit and relive this first whirlwind of a year at a slower pace.
He's so much more than I could have asked for and WAY more than I expected. Of course, no parent knows what kind of personality their little one will take on but boy was I ever unprepared!!
Take pity on your mom, Miles. Slow down just a fraction of a second and let me savor your moments as my baby, my sugarpop, my little dude. I already feel like you're a "big kid" and, yes, I already miss my baby. 

Thursday, September 4, 2008

My Little Pumpkin

Baby's first Halloween costume: Go ahead, yuk it up. Laugh at the cliches. Blackmail for decades, I tells ya!
I've been calling Miles "pumpkin" since he was born so it's only natural that I have the desire to dress him as a pumpkin for his first Halloween. Matt is indulging me and letting me also take him out in public (*gasp!*) to the pumpkin patch next month to pick out his first jack-o-lantern. This will mean nothing to the little sprout but I'm personally excited! It was at precisely this time last year I entered my second trimester and really started "showing" and getting used to the idea that I would soon be a mom so autumn brings back good memories for me.

Of course, I went to Ebay in my quest and found one for under 10 bucks from a stay-at-home-mom. (Hey, gotta help out my peeps, y'know.) I only hope he doesn't grow so much in the next month that it's too tight on our little dude.
All this might not be a big deal to anyone else but Miles' first year is very important to me. I take hundreds, if not thousands, of pics because I want to capture every single, tiny moment since I'll never cross this path again. I want him to have a huge collection of photos to look back on and see how very, very much he was loved by his friends and family.

As a sidenote, today was little dude's first day in "Kids' Day Out" at Ridgeway Baptist Church. I signed him up months ago just to ensure Matt and I would have a 5 hour break at least once a week that we could look forward to. Also, I like the idea of him being around other babies and grown-ups besides just us and his Todd family. I chose this particular location because my kindergarten principal founded the new program. Yep, you read that right - the same woman who met me at 5 years old is still running around and educating the children of Memphis! She, of course, didn't quite remember me but she remembered my parents, since they were pretty big names with their band at the time.
I thought I would be a total mess all morning but I had been so stressed out over packing his bag properly and anticipation over leaving him in strangers' care for the first time that I crashed from 11-1 and woke up just in time to pick him up. Being up at 3am helped a bit, too. The women in his nursery said he did great and spent most of the day taking in his new surroundings. He's VERY recently learned to sit up so this enables him to see the world from a different angle and has also made him more interactive with people.
I noticed he had a "baby friend" named Samuel when I went to pick him up this afternoon. Samuel was several months older and had BIG blue eyes. He crawled towards Miles and laughed happily when they made eye contact so my hope is that this means he's becoming more comfortable around other kids. It's as if, by watching him grow, I'm growing up too. It's impossible for me to express to those without children how bittersweet the experience can be. However, the payoff is SOOOOO much more rewarding that any price paid is well worth the investment.
P.S. Bill Cosby has stated that people who only have one child don't REALLY have any idea what it's like to be an actual parent so I suppose you all should take my thoughts with a grain of salt.